Adoption Link ups and My Impending Doom

We will be traveling a bit this next week on this. It's not a cruise, it's the death trap that I get to take my kids on while we renew our visas. I will be walking on with floaties. Already inflated. My family makes fun of me and I simply remind them that nobody on the Titanic expected to bump into that iceberg.

While we're gone, I'm leaving you with a few links to some great blogs about adoption.



Russell Moore writing "Don't Adopt!"


If you want your “dream baby,” do not adopt or foster a child: buy a cat and make-believe. Adopting an orphan isn’t ordering a consumer item or buying a pet. Such a mindset hurts the child, and countless other children and families. Adoption is about taking on risk as cross-bearing love.




This is a wonderful blog friend who is honest and grace-filled as she write: I am in charge...you are safe.

"I am in charge.  You are not."  Did you know that when you are confident in your parenting, set clear expectations and boundaries and give swift and consistent consequences that this little quote brings so much security to a child that was older when they were adopted?? 

Well, after 10 really hard months this is what we have learned.










Kristen at Rage Against the Minivan: Parents, please educate your children about adoption so that I don't have to.  At the end of the post, she has some great books and movies that talk positively about adoption. 




I heard one of the kids saying, “That is NOT your real mom.”  I had an immediate pit in my stomach, and tried to check myself.  Surely they are not ganging up on him about adoption, I thought.  I stood up and started walking casually towards them, so that I could hear the conversation and intervene if needed.

Charis' Cast is Off!

Here's my girl finally getting her cast off! I waited to post the pictures because I honestly thought she would fall soon after and we'd have to start the process all over again. 

It might have something to do with this picture that I found on my son's camera of his sister scooting herself along on a rip stick while dangling her cast off the side. 

She sat while the bucket of water helped to disintegrate her cast. The doctor put this type of cast on because she panicked while receiving the sleeping gas. What ensued was something straight out of WWF days. She tried to pile drive a nurse, take the doctor against the ropes, and round house kick the anesthesia machine. After all of this, the doctor concluded that a synthetic cast, requiring a saw to get it off, was simply out of the question. Smart man. 

Super proud of this girl for persevering and hanging in there for 2 months. She even did homeschool everyday with her left hand. But I will say that it is nice to have that thing off. And yes, we will be holding off on real rip sticking for awhile. 

Rock Tea and Sweaty Socks

I don't know why this picture is fuzzy. Let's just rejoice because it blurs out my elbow fat. 

This was the second time I got to sit with this man and learn about tea. This brother is so passionate about tea that he makes you want to chew the leaves. My specialized tea vocabulary is a tad limited, but I did pick up a few selling points to this particular tea that he was making for us.

1. It tastes like the sun shining down on the rocks. 

2. It will make you sweat your socks.

3. It will give you gas. 

He swears that he lost 25 pounds drinking this stuff. We all downed about 15 cups of it until we all had sweat our socks and decided to take our leave. Sitting with this man as he explains his teas makes me so happy because he is living in joy and passion. 

Sheep Placenta Lotion and Other Treasures from Down Under

A few finds from the past few weeks:

I bought this lip gloss. Lip gloss is actually Latin for "I abhor wearing make-up, and wearing this makes me feel spritely and not so near death." When I first opened the lip gloss, a light came streaming across my face and almost poked my eye out. It also made my head look like Andre the Giant. Apart from applying lip gloss in the Bat Cave or when stuck in the elevator with 25 sweaty cabinet installers, I'm not sure why you'd need lip gloss that glows. 

To each their own. 

Many of the people we love who live within 20 miles of us moved this week. I hate good-byes. I loathe good-byes. But thankfully my friend Kristen gifted our family with a few Jesus bandaids. "For my hand and my heart." That's the motto we gave these at dinner. I like the psychedelic take on the Creator of the Universe. Not such a big fan of Him looking incredibly Caucasian. 

I realize it's just a bandaid, but the whole white Jesus thing has got to stop somewhere. These bandaids were applied to not-so-bleeding-but-mommy-I-need-a-bandaid type wounds. And now I'm back to using scotch tape and toilet paper because again, I am out of bandaids. Am I the only one who seems to never have these in stock? Probably. 

And then finally comes the sheep placenta lotion. The great thing about friends moving is they load all their unwanted stuff at your house. Like an enormous bag of sesame seeds and one cup of flour.

 I voluntarily took this Australian sheep placenta lotion because I had made fun of it previously and now wanted to try it. Don't we all, at some point in our lives, make fun of sheep placenta lotion? I thought so. I have to admit, I'm digging' this lotion. I don't know exactly what's in it, but I'm an "ignorance is bliss" type of gal. I don't want to know what the restaurant kitchen looks like, just bring me the chips and queso. I've always been that girl. 

I'm not sure what is actually releasing in that "24 Hour Time Release" period, but continue to enjoy my "Treasures from Down Under."

 I will say the accidental pun of "Treasures from Down Under" was not lost on me. 

Homemade Dr. Pepper

We are talking priorities today. 

We are talking life changing information. 

I took hubs out for a birthday dinner last night. With me, I brought almond extract, vanilla extract, and a cold bottle of Pepsi. 

While we waited for dinner to arrive, I pulled out my bottles of extract and proceeded to dump in 1/2 t. of each into the bottles. I'm sure it looked like I was spiking our Pepsi with vodka. Just another reason for people to think we are weird. Take a number. 

I had this vision of making Dr. Pepper for his birthday, but didn't want to waste the almond extract in trying beforehand. So, we were throwing caution to the wind and tried this on the spot. There was risk, but what great experiments come without a high degree of risk?

It totally worked. I drank mine in 0.23 seconds and then proceeded to pat myself on the back. I realize this dinner was about the birthday boy, but I was stealing his thunder for just one minute while I gloated in this new found concoction. 

Supposedly, Coke doesn't work as well as Pepsi. I haven't tried it, but I will say the Pepsi worked great. 

So for all of you poor souls who live in the States, but north of the Mason Dixon or you don't live in the States and are desperately craving a comfort drink, here you are:

1 bottle of Pepsi

1/2 t. almond extract

1/2 t. vanilla extract

You can adjust these a little according to how sweet you want it. 

Now...go brag to your friends.

And...

Happy Birthday to my man!

Checking My Ego

This here is going to cause people to throw coffee at the computer screen and de-friend me on Facebook. The only reason that I dare to write about egos is that mine has gotten in the way more than once. Upon deciding to date my husband, I quickly told him, "Just because we've decided to date now, don't think that means I want to see you everyday." And he still married me. Ego and all.

While my two friends were here from Texas, we had an ongoing conversation about this ego thing.

I'm sure it was mostly me rambling on and on, but at least they were gracious to listen and contribute to my little theory. 

The ego gets tricky once you commit your life to serving Christ. Especially when that service takes form in full-time vocation. Once you decide to go into ministry full-time, your brain can very easily slip into the same issues with ego that happen outside the ministry walls. But now we get to tag it with a "God's will," card. 

Here's how it can play out:

1. A parent decides to spend countless hours leading small groups, planning studies, serving in soup kitchens, teaching the Word, and discipling new believers. All the while, their children are being siphoned off to raise themselves. They are filling their time with movies, extra curricular activities, and finding trouble simply because they are being shoved off in the name of "ministry." And it's hard to argue with, because you are doing, "The Lord's work." 

The way I see it is that there is a danger in these things. A danger not in the serving the needy, but in needing to be needed. At the end of the day, there can be more accolades given and more pats on the back from small groups and congregants than your 4-year old daughter will ever give to you. Your ego is stroked by being out in the front lines instead of behind the doors of your home, serving your children. It's a much more glamorous way of doing the Christian life. Or so many think. These people like to be needed by others and their ego likes the public attention they get. I know this because I've walked through this. I used to think that being cool would draw people to Jesus, but really it just drew them to myself.

2. A person always attributes "God moving" to large numbers of people coming to events or small groups. While this might be true sometimes, maybe people just thought you had good music. Maybe it had nothing to do with God stirring in their hearts whatsoever. We like it when lots of people come because it makes us feel popular, like we are on the cool kids' side of the dance floor. 

On the flip side, we get discouraged when few people come. We assume failure and wallow in discontent. Bigger doesn't mean Godlier. It can just mean bigger. This little numbers game that we like to play gets in the way of us seeing the Lord move in small things like a woman deciding to forgive an unfaithful husband. To that woman, a mountain has been moved. But we miss it because we are too worried about how our event compared with the turnout at the event down the street.

I need to be concerned with seeing the Lord's fingerprints in today.

 I need to check my ego as I find satisfaction in others vying for my attention when I simply get annoyed at my children needing me.

 I need to examine why I say "yes," when I am clearly exhausted and stretched emotionally. I find that oftentimes I say yes because I like the feeling of being needed by others outside my home. That somehow that validates my existence. We gloat in being busy and then complaining to others about just how busy we have been. I say we just all agree upon the fact that we're ALL busy, then we can move on with more important matters. The only people who aren't busy are homeless or in jail. The rest of us are busy. Life is busy We need to simply get over it, get to the root of why we feel we need to be so busy, and make sure our kids know that they will get my "yes" too. 

Makaria's 4th Birthday

I haven't felt like blogging. I think I've said good-bye too many times this month because I just feel like laying in bed, eating cantaloupe, and trying to remember all the lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire." None of those things are blog inspiring. But, my sweet 4 year-old is.

Her birthday is actually today, but we told her it was last week because several people dear to us would be gone on her actual birthday. One of those people being her dad. I hope you appreciate the Cinderella cake I mustered up. I think she looks lovely dancing atop the dragon fruit and kiwi lagoon. Let's just Jesus for bakeries.

We sang, threw the deuce, and totally ruined lunch for the Makaria's entire class at her Chinese school. 

Here are her wonderful teachers. It's tradition for the birthday girl to give the class some type of treat afterwards. We opted for the lollipop variety (which is a fantastic word when said in Chinese).

As we went around the table during her birthday meal, these are just a few of the things that were said that we love about her: This girl is still so joyful, funny, and a delight to be around. She sings, dances, and loves her siblings well. She has an infectious smile and is compassionate to the core.

Birthday girl got to pick her dinner. She chose pancakes and baozi (A meat filled bread. Notice I bought the ones that looked like a pig. Classy.)

Her Gotcha Day is actually also her birthday! So Happy Birthday/Gotcha Day Makaria! I cannot believe she has been a part of our family for 3 years now. 

We love you!!

Book Giveaway on Two Blogs

Two blogs are giving away my book, "Redefining Home: Squatty Potties, Split Pants, and Other Things that Divide my World," this week.

Head over to April's blog here or Jennifer's blog here to enter and win.

Easy and free, no strings attached like those "free" pantyhose deals that I used to sign my mom up for.

You were born when?! Our college friends

This week, we had two college girls arrive to China for the first time. They are doing life with us for two weeks before they head back to the States and vow to never eat Chinese food in America again. These two college guys were on their way out from a 6 month stay in China. We fed them, learned from them, prayed alongside them, and received more joy because of them. I love having college students around because they bring a freshness and liveliness to our lives.

They also have reminded me that I am old. That when I reference the injustice of OJ Simpson's white bronco interrupting the Rockets Championship game, they just stay at us as if we are speaking Elfin.

I realize that we do pretty well on our own as far as craziness is concerned, but these guys also brought beat boxing trains, bike rides, and mad wrestling skills.


My kids love these guys and so do we. We hate saying good-bye. And we will do it again on Thursday when the girls leave. But we are hoping that it is simply, "See you later."

Jesus isn't a wife, mother, or female, but that's OK

I was frustrated at Jesus today.

I was frustrated because as I was reading Luke, it dawned on me that He and I are so very different. Not just because He unconditionally loves His neighbor and by contrast I dream of ways to take out their yapping bird under the cloak of night.

But I realized that I am married, a mother, and a female.

He is single, no kids, a male…and well…the Son of God.

I even had the thought creep in that God couldn’t allow Him to parent because He needed Jesus to remain sinless. Seriously, I had this thought.

It’s been a rough parenting month.

As I continued to reflect on His life there were several passages that jumped out to my desperate position of tired mother of 5 and cruddy wife to 1.

Jesus had times where He needed to find a desolate place to huddle up with the Father.

This was Jesus’ “Hide in the bathroom, lock the doors, and feign a menstral moment." I need to redeem those 5 minutes locked in the bathroom. The problem is that I often spend those 5 minutes checking email or reading the back of the shampoo bottle because my brain is working on ½ a cylinder. Jesus knew that the most refreshing thing He could do was to escape to His Dad.

Jesus often had hords of people shouting demands at Him.

“Heal me, feed me, show me where to go!” This is Jesus’ “When’s dinner? Mom, Charis stuck Jell-O down my underwear! Makaria is throwing up in the bathtub!” Jesus understood my brain being split into hundreds of pieces and trying to attend to the needs of the desperate. Instead of balling up into the fetal position and sucking on a ring pop, He patiently healed and feed and wept with His people. He did not in fact weep because He was spent. He wept because He was compassionate.

Jesus walked around with 12 passionate, clueless, and utterly dependent men who often brought friends along with them who wanted to eat.

This is Jesus’ “Walk through the market with 5 children clawing at my purse, crying for water and screaming when they don’t get what they want.” He understood what it meant to look after a ragtag group of children when crossing the street. He understood that when He was talking to the Jairus, he was also teaching the disciples. His words were held and remembered by twelve. 

As a wife and mother, it's easy to feel like I just want to escape. The thing is, Jesus did too. He knew that there were times to be encircled by needy people. But there were also times He needed to receive His refreshment and work orders from His Father. He didn't escape to Facebook or the blogging world. He escaped to the Father. There are so many times that my prayer life feels like just another task in my day. Jesus' life has reminded me today I it's not a task, it's a lifeline. That if I want to parent out of holiness and not just "suck it up-ness," then I needed to be sitting with Him at some point in my day. 

I'm working on putting Bibles near the sink or in the kitchen so that I can grab one for 1 minute. Or putting on music that will fixate my mind on Jesus, even for 30 seconds. Jesus knows my struggles because realistically, they are human problems, not just wife, mother, female ones. 

The Contradiction of Adoption

There are  not many situations in our lives that are so deeply rooted in contradiction.

Adoption. 

The family born through hurt, anger, poverty, disease, and abandonment.

The laughter peeking through years of late night weeping.

The smiles forcing their way out of night terrors and a childhood lost.

The perseverance of parents wanting to love a child deeply, but finding the bricks built higher and higher in his fortress of protection.

The task is not just about loving a child. It's about allowing yourself to be abandoned. Allowing the words of the Lord speak for you when the end of yourself seems too far.

The time lost to poverty and sickness. God can redeem.

A word spoken in harshness to a child wrapped in hurt and confusion. God can restore.


A child afraid of being abandoned. Again. A parent longing for a hug from a child who sees a hug as threatening, not loving. God can remember.


The heart can seem lost and the days can seem surrendered to impatience. God can refresh.






God never promises us easy days. Quite the opposite actually. He understands having a son betrayed and mocked. He cares for His children who scream curses and walk away, turning their backs on Him.

But only for a time.

His redemption is sure. 

His restoration is complete. 

Confessions from a Dad with ADHD

This will be a brief blog post. If I'm not careful, I'll start fixating on every detail and it'll become a chapter in a book. As evidence by the fact I'm desperately trying to keep my dissertation under 300 pages, so I'm more than prepared to write and write. 

ADHD doesn't go away. 

It just gets managed...hopefully. It's not simply a problem kids' have. It's biological, neurological and even protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). ADHD expresses itself in two ways. In lay terms, it's expressed in fight or flight. The fight comes from hyper-fixating on something such that disturbances just push you over the edge. By flight, I mean flightiness of sense of being frazzled. This second person may say, "Ah, butterfly! Oh, another one. And one more...." The first person just gets ticked the butterfly won't be still (that is, assuming he or she even notices because the person is thinking hard on some problem in his or her head).

The deal is that no one––including yourself––knows when you are under its influence. Because it involves your attention, one obviously can't simply get outside one's own thoughts to notice, "Hey, I'm hyper-focusing right now."  To be frank, it is often extremely difficult to discern between what is sin and what is ADHD. Those around you just ask in frustration, "What's your problem?" 

This has some negative effects on parenting. I can only speak for myself (I'm the "fighter" type). Here are a few, which I'll label as:

Inattention

You simply don't spend the time you need with your kids. You may even avoid some activity because it really overwhelms you. The constant change, noise, and the need for the creative even disoriented thinking of kids play drive you to excuse yourself from the situation. After a while, patterns develop and you don't even know there's neglect. But there's always the guilt. 

Passive Attention

This sort of attention aims simply to pacify your child. You are either not all there or you are just paying the time keeper until you get back to something else. There's no heart connection and consequently your kids learn to expect distance from you and so they to get good at being distant themselves. Because there are not obvious signs of neglect, you never actively deal with it.

Over-Attention

This refers to when everyone is paying attention to you because Dad (or mom) is upset or stressed. For me, this happens at meal times, typically at the beginning when everyone is transitioning. Things like smacking, tapping of forks, and yes spilt milk lead to someone to cry because dad's upset that the child is "not paying attention" to what they're doing or to what you've said 786 times before. No one feels like they can breath.

All the while, you don't even know you it. You are isolated in your own head. If you do realize it, then you feel trapped by your "personality." It's not something you can explain where others "get" you and your experience. But the fear grows.....One day, I'll wake up and the house will be quiet because the kids are gone. Finally, you can think clearly. Then, you'll realize how much you missed out on and how little your kids had of their dad or mom. That fear is painful. Your try not to fixate on it, but then again, you will because that's what you do....fixate your attention. And so, you find a distraction to calm the mind and conscience. And the cycle repeats itself.

Well, so much for a short blog entry. 

Iphone photos and a ridiculous potato analogy

Parenting is like a potato.

You start out fairly round, clean, and firm. Then you birth children. The first one maybe changes your potato shape, but you are still clearly a potato. The more children you birth, the more these random green shoots start appearing. Each one is unique and holds it own place on the potato. No longer do you look like a potato, but rather a monkey gym for overgrowth. But as you look closer, each shoot is different from the others. They all stem from the same potato, yet they all seem so different. How does it happen that under the same roof, 5 distinct personalities emerge?

Playing the part of Bono: Kesed age 4

There is more to those eyes than just seeing: Makaria age 3

"Mom, if I could spend 5 hours inside reading, it would be the best day of my life!" Malachi age 8

My old soul. She belongs in a Jane Austen novel. Selah age 10. 

Free spirited and thoughtful.  Charis age 6. 

As for the potato analogy, I am sorry. It is late and I should not be writing on anything public. Not even on a bathroom wall.

Peanut Butter Frosting and My Issue with Chocolate Chips

Our friend has a birthday today. He told me that if these cupcakes weren't a part of his birthday meal, then he would break up with our family. Someone had sent us a box of Duncan Hines Double Chocolate Fudge cake mix. Boxed cake mixes are akin to buying a wedding dress in our little China world.

You caudal it, stare at it, and dream about the day you will get to use it. 

Today was that day. I added three simple ingredients, stirred, and popped those bad boys in the oven. Oh how I miss the land of processed foods sometimes. 

It was at this point that I chopped up some Dove chocolate. Chocolate chips are a rare find here, so I just chop up some chocolate and make chunks. I'm actually more of a chocolate chunks girl anyway. 

Chips feel like the prepubescent version of the Chunk. 

Then I threw together this recipe for Peanut Butter Frosting: 

1 c peanut butter

1/2 c butter

4 c powdered sugar

(I made the homemade powdered sugar variety.)

1/3 c cream

(I used whole milk because cream cost half a billion dollars here)

I don't own a mixer, so I had to borrow one. This is the non-China friendly element to this recipe. I tried using a blender and it just looked like mush. You can stir it, the mixture just isn't quite as fluffy and your boys will tell you that it looks like poop.

Yes, literal poop. 

Here's the instructions from allrecipes (aka my go to gal for recipes):

1. In a large bowl, beat butter and peanut butter until light and fluffy. Slowly beat in 1/2 of the confectioner's sugar. Mix in 1/4 cup of the cream. Beat in the remaining confectioners' sugar. If necessary, add a little more cream or milk until the frosting reaches a good spreading consistency. Makes enough to frost one 2 layer 9 inch cake or one 9x13 inch cake.

This is a super easy frosting and I will tell you that people have named their children after me when I brought these to an Easter party. They are super good. At the end of frosting the cupcakes, I threw on some chocolate chunks. 

Not chips, but full bodied chunks.

Enjoy!

Fruit Fly Invasion-Take 2

(This was the most benign picture of a fruit fly I could find. All the other ones make you start to itch like you have a sudden onset of leprosy.)

Ok, so the post I did where I claimed victory over my little fruit fly invasion? Well, it seems as if they were simply laying low for a late night guerilla warfare attack. The next morning I woke up to another swarm of them partying like it's 1999 over my kitchen table. You see, these little flies exist only to frustrate mothers whose husbands are currently out of town. 

I was trying to be a good parent and explain to my children the beauties of creation, when this little infestation threw a wrench in my sanity and my poetry. See, I can think of no reason that fruit flies exist. When this happens to me, I resort to the "Well, frogs eat them and God created hungry frogs." Clearly I am saying to my children, "I have no idea, so let's just make something up because I know that God does everything for a purpose." 

Fruit flies seem just as arbitrary as Paprika.

We have set more traps. The problem now is that we are in some type of reproductive cycle with our little visitors and I am stuck explaining why all these flies are giving piggy back rides to their friends. My husband is in for quite the surprise when he comes home. 

I have mustered up Katniss Everdeen type determination against these things. It's like they are flying around mocking my efforts and yelling to their friends, "Hey guys come look at the crazy lady swatting her slipper on the bookshelf 87 times a day!" 

And now I'm mad. 

Giveaway for the Giveaways done!

That was fast! 

We've got our 5 blogs who will be giving away a paperback copy of "Redefining Home: Squatty Potties, Split Pants, and Other Things that Divide My World."

I'll try and put a post up later when they decide the details of the giveaway. 

Thanks!

Fruit Flies, Junior High Boys, and a Sort of Giveaway

We have been engaged in an epic battle of the fruit flies this week. We made a trap and it actually worked! 

All fruit flies want to do is reproduce and die.

They are like a junior high boy. 

To commemorate our victory over the fruit fly invasion, I've got 5 "Redefining Home: Squatty Potties, Split Pants, and Other Things that Divide My World," books that I'm gonna handout for giveaways on other blogs. Yes, this is a strange type of giveaway, but work with me here.

I've had several people ask if they could do giveaways of some sort, so here ya go. The first 5 to comment and leave their contact info., wins. Ok, so it's not really winning, because technically they still have to be given away. But let's just say that you are winning because you beat the person who chimed in 6th.

Just leave a comment with your blog name and email address and I won't publish the private information. Pinky promise.

I'll send you a picture if you want one, but the details of the giveaway are totally up to you. Like, "Win a copy of Redefining Home and a packet of 6 matching floral pot holders." Comment below.

Giveaways are fun, so even if you haven't done one, don't let them scare you. I'll mail the book, so all you have to do is host the giveaway. The world is your oyster! Carpe Diem! You are the wind beneath my wings!

Ready, set, go.

When God Called Piper Home by Julie Brawner

Julie and I have known each other for awhile now and I have been blessed by getting to read her words about God redeeming the loss of their daughter. "When God Called Piper Home," is their personal narrative as God has written it for their family. I have not personally lost a child, but reading her words has given me insight into those around me that have. The book summary is below: 

My husband and I lost our second daughter, Piper Kay, just days

before her due date in July of 2011. She was full term, a baby loved

and cared for through a normal, healthy pregnancy.

As we were faced with this tragic and heartbreaking loss, God spoke

words that became sentences and formed chapters that have become

a life-altering book.

When God Called Piper Home, by Julie Brawner, is a true story of loss

and shares the hope of Christ found in the midst of pain. The book

is made up of 12 chapters, pictures, journal entries and resources that

have helped along the way.

Our heart’s desire is that this book would touch the lives of many

and provide a hope that will last for eternity. Whether you have lost

a child, given birth to a stillborn, experienced a miscarriage, or walked

with someone who has—even if you are a mother or father of

healthy little ones—this book will minister to your soul.

A little ADHD lifeline

Even when I write about ADHD, a lump forms in my throat from inadequacies and fears. Our struggle with it is real. It is daily. It is our life. 

I wrote about our grasping for air with ADHD and have been searching for practical tools ever since. I stumbled upon this site that has some very helpful tools in coping with ADHD.

For example:


In schooling, take a word, such as "color" or "rapid" or "cargo," and write it in several different colors on a piece of paper. Ask your child to look at it until she can shut her eyes and see the letters in her head.






Sometimes, I feel like the advice for ADHD parents is more descriptive than prescriptive. In other words, the books spend more time describing my child than helping me educate and help them. I already know the issues. Trust me. In my brief perusal of Living Well with Attention Defecit, I have found several really helpful things. 


I also threw out a blog line for help with my wonderful daughter who burns 3,000 calories from movement in homeschool. People actually exhibiting patience were able to give some wonderful suggestions. The one I have found the most helpful so far has been for DHA. This tiny capsule that has helped my two ADHD children clear their minds quicker and block out back ground noise easier.  




That brings me to a few things we have figured out on our own:


1. Limit Noise. I have to remove all pencil tapping, music playing, foot sliding, and chopstick drumming. Any type of rhythmic noise makes them nervous and prone to freaking out. 


2. Calm the Aesthetics. I light a candle to help keep things calm. For both the children and for me. I also make sure the kids keep their desks clean. I put up a few things on the wall in our little homeschool room, but it does not look like a page from "Southern Living."


3. Early Meds. Take meds first thing in the morning. Our meds take about 30 minutes to kick in, so if you want a little modern day science help at the breakfast table, you have to give the meds accordingly. 


4. Give one set of instructions at a time. "Go put your shoes on." You cannot say "Go get your shoes on, throw out this paper cup, and then brush your teeth." I see panic in my son's eyes every time I try to instruct him this way. In my mind it's efficient, but to him it's overwhelming. 


5. Clear instructions. I cannot say, "Don't you think it would be a good idea to get your shoes on?" Because in his head, he is now thinking of the 15 reasons why it's not a good idea. Then he rabbit trails on one of those ideas and he ends up wrestling monsters in Idaho in his mind by the end of it all. Still having no shoes on. I just need to say to him, "Go get your black shoes on."


6. Physical Contact. When I give instructions, it has to be with my hand on their shoulder and our eyes making contact. 


7. Equip for Success. Finding something they really enjoy and equip them for success. My little dude loves putting things together using the instructions. So, now I try not to throw them away because I am the exact opposite and find instructions a rather gratuitous piece of paper. For C, I find that if I let her know that once she finishes a few problems, she can jump rope. This external motivator gets her excited to focus for a bit. 


8. Speak Slowly and Calmly when Disciplining. While I want to fly off the handle and scream back at them as they are losing control, I have to try and remain calm. I do not in fact succeed at this all the time. But when I do, I am able to diffuse a situation much faster. I find that if I can control the first 3-4 words by saying them slowly and calmly, then the rest fall into place much easier. If I start off in an elevated and rapid tone, it's pretty ugly thereafter. 


9. Encourage Often. I am not good at this. It is far easier to find ways they are disobedient or not on task. But when all I do is correct them or harp on them, there is a snowball effect and these two kids in particular have a hard time pulling themselves out from under the heap of discouragement. I am trying to get in a better habit of encouraging our whole family with the small things in a day. This becomes crucial for both C and M. 


10. Proper Expectations. We try and warn them what is going to be happening next. If we are heading out to dinner with friends, we might say, "This restaurant is going to be noisy and smokey. If it becomes too much, I want you to come to me and I will let you step outside for a bit."




I still feel like I've got a long way to go in effectively parenting my children that struggle with ADHD. I have cried, prayed, thrown pillows at the wall, lashed out, and sought counsel. I still feel like I'm on JV in figuring this all out. I would love to have others chime in on this one. Leave tips in the comments section. ADHD is a team sport and there are days that I am straight up in the wrong uniform. 

Being a Christian Parent Requires Intentionality

I wrote this a few months ago for a guest post on Joy in the Blink. But I wanted to post it here to so that I can refer back to it later on. 

What does it really mean to be a Christian parent?

Does Christian parenting mean that we choose our names from the original Greek or that we put Chris Tomlin music on our pregnant wombs?

Does it mean that we say a two-line prayer before dinner and paint our nurseries like a Noah's ark petting zoo?

I think our calling as a Christian parent is hard, complicated, and full of satisfaction. What a privilege that the Lord has given us as parents!

Here is just one of the many ways to separate us as Christian parents, instead of just nice moral ones:

Find ways to intentionally build Scripture into our days.

Deuteronomy 6:4-7 is going to encourage us to love the Lord with all our heart, soul and might. And we are to teach these things diligently to our children. Loving the Lord is not something our kids learn simply by proximity of Christian parents or a good children's program at church. We have to instruct our kids in the ways of the Lord. This will require a lot of work on our part. If, as Dt. 6 says, we are to talk about the Lord when we sit in our house and walk along the way, then we have to give our children the raw materials to be able to talk about. 

The Story Book Bible is a great beginning story Bible to get your kids to understand that the whole of the Bible is about Jesus. From beginning to end, Jesus is being announced as King. And don't just assume that because there is a cute picture of Jesus simultaneously petting a lamb and a child on the cover of a children's storybook Bible that the theology is great. So many children's Bibles jack up the stories and make them very man-centered. Do your homework and stick with the kid's Bibles that actually keep God central. This is an important foundation in building a solid theological foundation in kids.

The Desiring God children's curriculum will help you as a family begin to talk about theology. While there are lots of good children's ministries out there, we find that most don't assume your kids can handle theology. We have found that kids can actually handle the bigger truths of God with relative ease when it's communicate at their level. This curriculum does a fantastic job of just that. We talked about the omniscience and sovereignty of God with our 4 year old. It gives our kids a chance to move beyond David and Goliath and sink deep into a rich understanding of God. Choose a night a week for a family time of worship. Go through this together. Sing, pray, confess and plead to the Lord together.  

The Westminster Catechism for kids is a series of questions and answers for our kids to set in their hearts. Basic fundamentals like "Who Made You?" and your child would reply with "God." 

Seeds of Worship is a worship album of Scripture that don't make me want to pound someone when my kids want to listen to them over and over again. I love hearing my kids sing Eph. and John as they run through the house wearing only a feather boa and their underwear.

Memorize Scripture together. Desiring God has Fighter verses that will give you plenty to work through. Make it fun by giving them characters that move through an enchanted forest each time they get a verse done. At the end, go get ice cream or have a pizza party together.

Justin Taylor had loads of resources at Gospel Coalition for families too.  And he is way smarter than me, so head over there and check it out. 

Will people look at you strange when your child is singing, "Who is the chief end of man? The chief end of man is to glorify God!" in Target? Probably. But people find it cute when a four-year old sings "All the Single Ladies."

We need to start redeeming the minds and hearts of our children at a young age. Sometimes we have people who give us a hard time about the amount of Scripture we try to build into our kids. When Dt. 6 uses the word "diligently," I see no other way around it. The world is offering my littles a buffet of temptations and I need to remind them that the Word of the Lord is the only thing that will feed their souls. They aren't going to learn this on their own. It is our responsibility as parents to breathe this into them. These are the children the Lord has entrusted to us for a time. It's only for a season. A very brief season. 

Let's take this season back from what the world is offering them and give it to the Lord so that He can write His promises into their souls.