Growing up in an Institution

I haven't written much about him. He's an 11-year old boy that our family has spent significant time with over the last two years.

He has grown up in an orphanage here. His heart has been broken and the pieces that have been attempted to be put back together have left deep fissures of pain. Cookies at Christmas and afternoons at the zoo no longer bring the simple joy a child is supposed to walk in. People have extended their lives to include him, but his heart never seems to understand that word. His body is included. His needs are met. His soul is still being suffocated by abandonment.

He has choked, spat, and uttered hatred.

He has peeled back from embraces.

He has taken the word 'love' that his ears hear and translated it into 'hate'. That word, 'love', has been addressed towards him in a number of relationships. But when your mind is hearing, 'hate,' there begins the formulation of an entire army of people for you to fight against.

He is getting bigger now. Hormones, muscles, a stronger will. All of these things are beginning to partner with anger, fear, and abandonment to create a boy who can be scary to love. As a family, it is hard to know how to love someone like that. It feels like you are walking up to a boulder and trying to love it into sand. No amount of affection is going to deconstruct nature like that. Only the One who created him has the ability to change someone like that.

This little boy has spent many nights in our home. He has spent hours upon hours playing dominoes and riding bikes with my children. We haven't seen him in a couple of weeks and now wisdom is telling me that the space in between visits might need to grow longer.

I grieve over this.

I hate this.

But I also have an 11-year old daughter to protect. I have young boys whose lives become forever changed if this other boy decides to press his anger onto them in some way.

This is where I need a memo from the Lord. Some type of formula that tells me when we are supposed to sacrifice of ourselves for the sake of others and when we are supposed to retreat, allowing this fragile boy to fight his own battles.

We can love him, but we can't change him. That type of defeat leads me to trust only on the Lord for this boy's repentance. I don't like using the words, "It's too late," when referring to adoption and foster care. I have found my mind browsing around in that type of vocabulary with this little boy.

Pray for him.
Pray that the people around him would wisely understand his needs.
Pray that Jesus would pursue him relentlessly.

Christmas-Jesus' Adoption Story

News of his birth casts a sacred shadow across Mary's eyes. When Joseph looks back, the gaze is heavy with perplexities. The words of fatherhood filled Joseph's mind while his heart began pouring empty in shame. His righteousness kept legal papers unsigned. The village gossip would suffocate his name for generations.

Could hard work and bending his life to the Law fill in the crevices made by Mary's conceiving outside of the marriage union? A cracked vessel isn't worth much.

He worshipped the same God that Mary is claiming spoke to her through stories of hidden manna and now through words that promised a son.

The angels stopped the rising fog of Joseph's fear by whispering to his mind so that his heart could dare believe.

"She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins."

With those words, he awoke. His hands, rough from hours of hammering, carving years into his hands. Wringing, they dissolved into one another as he wrestled with his own humanity. God was asking him to adopt the Son of God as his own. Take Jesus by the temple to be blessed and circumcised. Teach him about Moses' walking his people through the weary waters of the Red Sea. Explain God's promise to Abraham of blessing the tribes Joseph couldn't even bring up in a dream.

The shame of having a young, pregnant wife seemed to melt into a heavy yolk of acceptance. Joseph would adopt Jesus. As a father, to remain a rock of righteousness for Jesus as he grew in wisdom and stature. The whispers of his neighbors would remain an unceasing chorus in Joseph's waking hours. Adoption was reserved for the children orphaned by war or famine, but bloodlines were what kings were made of. Bloodlines reminded one that you belong to something bigger that yourelf-a genealogy. Joseph's 'yes' was a decree of prophecy fulfilled. Jesus would now be counted in King David's family line.

His 'yes' was allowing history to be redeemed.

Joseph had to realize that his own obedience in adopting Jesus would complete a creation that had begun spinning the second the world was called into order. He was living through the birth of a child that would flip reality on its side. A reality that would use adoption to express the abundance of love the Father felt for His children. No longer did people have to rely on their hometown or priestly connections to become members of the fold. Bloodlines became references in history books, relationships became the new chapters written.

The Christmas story is the narrative of a marked young girl accepting the words spoken softly by the company of angels. The lines in the story continue because the adoptive father said 'yes.' Without Joseph's arms reaching into grace and pulling out beauty, the manger scene becomes a tragic historical event. We have all been pulled through our own tragedy by a heart that blurs the lines of worldly connection. Jesus understands adoption not only because of Joseph, but because his Father decided to use it to bring us back home to Him.


This blog asks the question, "If Joseph were Chinese, would he have adopted Jesus." Good, thought provoking words.

Merry Christmas.

Of Course it's Risky...It's Parenting!

In lieu of Pat Robertson's moronic insights into adoption, I only want to comment on a couple of things. I'm not going into detail because Together for Adoption did a great job here.  They have articulated most of the things I would say about it, so I'll let them chime in. (My husband keeps trying to explain Robertson's comments to me in a rational way. I know he is not an evil man, but his comments just make me want to punch a hole through the wall. If you have a better take on it, please tell me. It would be good for my soul.)

There is just one piece that I want to shout about in the form of Caps Lock: 

JUST BECAUSE YOU BIRTH A CHILD, DOES NOT GUARANTEE A HEALTHY LABOR, DELIVERY, AND BABY. 

SCIENCE HAS GIVEN US THE FALSE IMPRESSION THAT THIS WORLD OWES US A HEALTHY BABY.

***Here's the deal about that,***

GOD IS ULTIMATELY IN CHARGE OF A BIRTHED BABY AND AN ADOPTED BABY. YOU CANNOT BELIEVE THE LIE THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE PREGNANT, EVERYTHING WILL BE EASY AND JUST WORK ITSELF OUT.

I have too many friends who have lost babies or have chronically ill children to allow that false illusion to lie to another pregnant woman. 

I have also had far too many discussions that start like this:

"I would love to adopt one day….but (it's always here that my blood begins to boil.) we want to try and get pregnant first. We want to try and have our own kids before we adopt." (Remember, adopted kids will also be your OWN kids.) Or, it starts like this, "There are just so many risks to adoption, I'm just not sure I can handle not knowing where my baby came from or what kinds of things might be wrong with them." Or how Pat Robertson so eloquently put it, "All the things that make a baby grow up all weird." If he were sitting in front of me, I think I'd throw a shoe. 

I realize that I haven't struggled for years with infertility. I realize that I birthed babies before I adopted them, but this was not intentional. We honestly just didn't know much about adoption before we jumped into that world. I just get so frustrated with people using excuses to cover up their fear of adoption. Just lay it out there. Starting a family (however it looks) is scary. 

There are a gazillion unknowns. 

There are a gazillion expectations. 

There is one God in charge of it all. And that my friends is where we have to hang our hope. 

Birthing children can be an idol just like fancy cars, high paying jobs, and pornography. I realize it's weird to equate pornography and pregnancy. But, I have seen friends so gripped in anger, fear, and despair by infertility, that I just don't see the difference when you are talking about a person's soul. An idol is something that draws our eyes from the promises of Jesus. It's just that simple. 

When you allow fear to tell you that adopting a child is just more risky than birthing one, you are believing a lie.  Or when you believe all the sensationalized stories of horrible adoption experiences, you have let the world win. 

You have let fear win. 

Jesus found it a risk worth taking by adopting humanity. In all of our ugliness, rebellion, unfaithfulness, and greed, He took us in. Adoption isn't merely about being a family, it's about understanding that gospel. As Christians, we have been let into a family that will continue to love us no matter how we got there in the first place. 

Adoption Link ups and My Impending Doom

We will be traveling a bit this next week on this. It's not a cruise, it's the death trap that I get to take my kids on while we renew our visas. I will be walking on with floaties. Already inflated. My family makes fun of me and I simply remind them that nobody on the Titanic expected to bump into that iceberg.

While we're gone, I'm leaving you with a few links to some great blogs about adoption.



Russell Moore writing "Don't Adopt!"


If you want your “dream baby,” do not adopt or foster a child: buy a cat and make-believe. Adopting an orphan isn’t ordering a consumer item or buying a pet. Such a mindset hurts the child, and countless other children and families. Adoption is about taking on risk as cross-bearing love.




This is a wonderful blog friend who is honest and grace-filled as she write: I am in charge...you are safe.

"I am in charge.  You are not."  Did you know that when you are confident in your parenting, set clear expectations and boundaries and give swift and consistent consequences that this little quote brings so much security to a child that was older when they were adopted?? 

Well, after 10 really hard months this is what we have learned.










Kristen at Rage Against the Minivan: Parents, please educate your children about adoption so that I don't have to.  At the end of the post, she has some great books and movies that talk positively about adoption. 




I heard one of the kids saying, “That is NOT your real mom.”  I had an immediate pit in my stomach, and tried to check myself.  Surely they are not ganging up on him about adoption, I thought.  I stood up and started walking casually towards them, so that I could hear the conversation and intervene if needed.

The Contradiction of Adoption

There are  not many situations in our lives that are so deeply rooted in contradiction.

Adoption. 

The family born through hurt, anger, poverty, disease, and abandonment.

The laughter peeking through years of late night weeping.

The smiles forcing their way out of night terrors and a childhood lost.

The perseverance of parents wanting to love a child deeply, but finding the bricks built higher and higher in his fortress of protection.

The task is not just about loving a child. It's about allowing yourself to be abandoned. Allowing the words of the Lord speak for you when the end of yourself seems too far.

The time lost to poverty and sickness. God can redeem.

A word spoken in harshness to a child wrapped in hurt and confusion. God can restore.


A child afraid of being abandoned. Again. A parent longing for a hug from a child who sees a hug as threatening, not loving. God can remember.


The heart can seem lost and the days can seem surrendered to impatience. God can refresh.






God never promises us easy days. Quite the opposite actually. He understands having a son betrayed and mocked. He cares for His children who scream curses and walk away, turning their backs on Him.

But only for a time.

His redemption is sure. 

His restoration is complete. 

Adoption Link-Ups. The Intensely Necessary

Adoption link-ups. We're delving into some intensely necessary blog posts here:



10 Misconceptions about Adoption

She takes some of the major misconceptions swimming around adoption like, people who adopt are saintly. She sheds light on 10 ways that people just might have a wrong understanding of adoption.



Facing Birth Mother Discussions Without Fear
A candid discussion on birth mothers. She lists out 7 things to keep layered in your mind as you breach this conversation.

1. Know what it was; what it wasn’t. The questions Reed asked and the things he said in his wondering about Michele didn’t hurt me at all (other than the fact that he was hurting). Why?

BECAUSE NONE OF IT WAS ABOUT ME. This knowing is what enables me to be fully present for my children during such times. This point is key for adoptive parents to get, deep down in our bones. This was about my son and his innermost feelings. He will have them whether or not I am comfortable with him having them. The question is, can he trust me to feel them on the outside of himself?

Explaining China's One Child Policy in My Daughter's Lifebook

[Editor's Note: Many adoptive parents struggle with explaining the "whys" behind their child's relinquishment. The trend to create a Lifebook -- think baby book but for a child brought into a family by adoption -- tries to address some of that in a physical, you-can-touch-and-see-it way. Ellen at The Daily Grind shares how she tackled the difficult subject of China's "One Child Policy" in her daughter's Lifebook. She does it with simplicity and grace that could be used for other complex adoption situations, thus making this post a must read for adoptive parents. -Jenna]




Exclusionary Exclusions: Will Adoption Gain Me Access to the Moms' Club?


A very honest post about infertility and the desire to be a mom. 

Well, it's official... of all the girls that I became friends with on Soul Cysters, I am now the ONLY ONE who has not become pregnant.

The only one. The only one. The only one.

Raising a Black Child in a Yellow World

While the title itself might convey a prejudice, I used that title on purpose. It seems prejudice when read by American eyes. But actually, my Chinese friends refer to themselves as yellow and my daughter as black. Our entire family is labeled "outsiders." We hear that phrase at least half a dozen times a day. She gets called "little black girl" at school and in our home by friends. When I hear it, my instinct is to lash out and correct them. I have to be slow in my defenses because they are not being derogatory, but rather descriptive. Because in America if I called someone yellow or "little black kid," I would get reprimanded in the form of a swift kick to the spleen. Our Chinese community doesn't have the emotional baggage tied to black and white race issues that I do as an American.

I am not going to say that Chinese people have no racist thoughts against the black community. I have heard stories of black adults being ostracized or mocked here. But, I also know that if we lived in America, people might possibly say horrendous things too. It's good for my soul to remember that and not villainize the people here. There are ignorant, mean people everywhere. Most the of the families I know that have adopted from Ethiopia and live in China have similar experiences to our family.

People still say funny things about our family like, "Are you Madonna?" But the bottom line is that they have NO idea why our family looks the way it does. Most Chinese would only consider adoption if the woman was barren. Period. To not share a bloodline is both shameful and second class. 

We can obviously birth children. Some people call it our hobby. So why in the world would we adopt?! They cannot wrap their minds around it. 

When we first brought M home, we tried to avoid using the tagline "Well, she's adopted." We aren't at all ashamed of adoption, we just didn't want that to become her tagline. Like Macauly Culkin-"that kid from Home Alone." Poor guy.

That's great, except that people don't let it die. 

"Did you have an affair with a black man?"

"You have been married twice?"

"She has a contractable, fatal skin disease?"

"You haven't bathed her yet this month?"

You see, I'd rather avoid these assumptions and just explain the beauties of adoption. For me to speak so boldly that she is adopted makes smoke come from people's ears here. I remind them that it's because Jesus has first loved me that I am able to love my daughter. That HE choose ME to be HIS daughter and so I wanted to do the same for M. The second a visitor walks into our home, M goes running with her adoption photo album in hand. She shows them the pictures, explains her story. As a family, we have chosen to redeem the negative ideas regarding bloodline. We are hoping to show that family means much more than sharing DNA, especially when we have a Father that includes people of every tribe, nation, tongue and tribe into His own family. 

Adoption Link Up

There are some good posts this week about adoption. Today's word of the day is DELEGATION. These people have several hundred more brain cells than I do and can express themselves at a level exceeding second grade, so I decided to let them do the posting today.


Over at Millions of Miles, she unfolds her laundry basket of learning about black culture. From her first experience in the sandbox to entering into a transracial adoption, Making a Lasting Impact makes for a good framing of how we all grew up understanding race.


Rage Against the Minivan is talking about appreciating race. While sitting with her daughter at a performance, she notices that all the dancers were black. Her daughter noted this loudly. describing vs. ascribing: digger deeper into talking about race  helps us understand what things make us cringe and is it right that they do?


Jen Hatmaker did a guest blog here: give1save1. I'm pretty sure Jen and I are soul mates, she just doesn't know it yet. I love her take on preparing for adoption. Listen to Baby Einsteins in utero 24/7! Feed your baby only organic potatoes grown by corn fed farmers from Connecticut!  Your adopted children's hair should look like Hally Barry or your are a white parent failure! These are the lies we pour into our brains on a daily basis when we begin parenting. She stops us in the chaos, looks at us straight in the eyes and tells us to get a grip.


A family who has been giving the gift of caring for Chinese orphans that have HIV. Their story is a good reminder that God doesn't call us to what we can handle on our own, but that which will bring Him the most glory. We are Grafted In has highlighted them in the post titled Surrounded. 

I love getting to hear of how people ended up on this side of adoption. The calling, the surrender, the understanding, the sacrifice, the family.

Since we're talking adoption, thought I'd include a picture of why I shouldn't be blogging right now. Maybe throwing some hair milk in her hair and putting something on her besides her bathing suit and tights would be good.

Adoption "Ideal"

Sometimes I get really frustrated at people asking the "Is this ideal?" question in adoption.  I've had people run fearfully away from adopting because having an transracial family isn't "ideal."  As the world sees it, our identity is merely formed by the bits and pieces of our environment.  Where we live, who are our neighbors, what type of house do we live in, the color of our skin.  All of these things come together to fashion who we are.  What the world fails to see is that Christ took all of those fallen identity bricks and replaced them with a redemptive cornerstone.  He knew an identity built on bricks made by our own decisions and life patterns would crumble or at the very least become replace with new, more promising bricks as our discontented hearts yearned for our neighbor's homes.  Jesus knew our transformation had to require a complete leveling of the old structure.

This is why adoption makes no sense to the world.  Bring a baby into a white family who lives in China among all yellow faces?!  Ridiculous.  And they will puff up and retort "Certainly this will cause that child's identity to be confused and misplaced!"  So they recommend leaving that child, leaving my daughter, in an orphanage among her own people and culture.  To leave my daughter in a place that can't feed her or put a book in her hands to read.  Why has remaining in a home culture become a blinder to seeing what is really happening? If I gave birth to a child with one arm, would the logic tell me that I should ship this child off to some camp of one armed people so they can raise him and where he can feel good about himself?! The Livesays who live in Haiti just aptly wrote on this from the perspective of what they are seeing happen there in regards to orphan care.  We had a friend just this week get notice that his adoption agency was dropping them because they lived in China and were adopting an Ethiopian baby and the agency thought that the social pressures the child would feel were just too great.  Sociologists and psychologists make these hypothesis' about what is best for a child based on what they assume is best for a human-to remain among it's own people.  What they are forgetting to see is the whole child.  Is remaining in a home culture best when that home culture is not able to provide what they need?  Is it ideal that a white mom is raising a black child, maybe not.  But I would also argue that living in a fallen world also isn't ideal.  We live in a world where ideals are many times just a mirage.  We live in a world where children die of dehydration, parents sell their children to the black market, and diseases are spread simply because people aren't wearing shoes.  Ideally, none of these things would be  happening.

God knew all of this.  He sent Joseph a dream to reveal to him that his adoption of Jesus as his own Son was a perfect plan.  God gently whispered to Makaria that although her birth parents weren't able to raise her, His plan was to bring her to an all white family living in China.  And that... was a perfect plan. If we place our identity in the things and people around us instead of on being a new creation buried in Christ, then we will continue to see adoption as a set of "not ideals", but it is so much more than that.  It's the story of Christ being adopted by Joseph, being raised by parents who taught him the Jewish scriptures, sent to the cross by his Heavenly Father and killed by the children He was sent here to save in the first place.  This is a messy, tragic, beautifully perfect plan set in motion by a God who has His very own definition of what is 'ideal'.

Gospel Coalition on Adoption

Voddie Baucham and Russell Moore do an incredible job of explaining adoption and it's implications at both a practical and Biblical level.  Even if you aren't going to adopt yourself, as a believer, we need to fully understand what adoption and being adopted fully means.

Take some time to listen or politely send the link to all the people that think you have lost it for even considering adoption.  It's a polite way of telling those naysayers to stick it.

Here ya go:  Gospel Coalition on Adoption


Last year, I was blessed by getting to go to the Together for Adoption conference in Austin, TX.  This year they are meeting in Phoenix, AZ on Oct. 21-22.  This is something that you cancel meetings and find a good baby sitter to come to.  It places the gospel rightfully in the center of adoption and gives you a weekend to learn, grow and be broken for the cause of adoption.  I cannot more strongly recommend this conference to you guys.  I've even had single guy friends go and come away changed. So hop over, register and figure out the details later.

Look Around

Today, I invite you to read about my friend, Kelly. I have never actually met her outside of the blog world, but I have decided that we would be good friends in real life :). Her family has a heart for adoption and has started a ministry called Minus 1 Project. Minus 1, because every time a family decides to adopt, there is minus 1 child in the world longing for a forever family. They have some fun shirts, bags, necklaces and gifty type things that support the cause of adoption and will help bring home their sweet child from Korea. Her thoughts on the call of action as a believer were convicting and sanctifying as I read them. I hope you will be encouraged too!









"God gave us the responsibility to care for the defenseless. It is through our hands the Father's love touches, it is through our voices His voice is heard, it is through our efforts and those of the church that His care is revealed to the ones the rest of the world has forgotten"
~Tom Davis, Fields of the Fatherless

For many of us our days are full of responsibilities. They range on a long scale of importance. Our responsibilities differ partially due to our stage in life. A single in their twenties has different responsibilities than a retiree than does a father of three. This quote addresses a responsibility we all have. One that has been ignored far too long, by myself included.

Caring for the "ones the world has forgotten" is not just a warm, fuzzy idea. IT IS A COMMAND. It is laid out over and over that this is the responsibility of the church. It is no secret that the need is huge. We only need to glance at the number of orphans to feel the burden of the task at hand. Then add on the number of poor, homeless, widowed, lonely...

Who could blame us for feeling overwhelmed and unable to help at all?

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn....
Isaiah 61:1-2

Who could blame us? The One who has anointed and appointed us!!

Read carefully. Now I am in no way close to a Bible scholar but I notice we are NOT sent to feel badly, get depressed, "bless their heart", but to BIND UP the brokenness. That demands action. Adoption is one way to bind, proclaim and release those but certainly is not the only way. We need only to listen and look around at all the awesome ministries and workers that have devoted their lives to the least of these and the countless ways to support them.

We all love the parable of the good Samaritan on the road. What a lesson it teaches. A beautiful example of mercy, kindness and action. I think we would all strive to be like him and pray that our children would be, too.

Recently our family has started visiting an older man who lives alone near our home. His apartment window looks out over a bike path and playground frequented by our family. He is always sitting in his window and looking out. He greets every passer by with a smile and a wave. We visited him for the first time on Christmas Eve to deliver some Christmas cheer. Since then we have continued to visit bringing food, goodies and hand made crafts. I don't share this to brag or boast. Keep in mind, we had waved to Mr. Richard for YEARS before ever visiting him!!

Who is on your road? Look around you. If you can't find anyone, pray, and then change paths so that you will have the privilege of encountering someone that the world has forgotten.

Why Ethiopia?

Today, at Together for Adoption, there is a great group of ministries partnering together to equip Ethiopian churches to answer the call of taking care of widows and orphans.

We get asked all the time why we chose Ethiopia. While there are a thousand reasons, this outlined on T4A's blog is probably the most compelling:


Why Ethiopia?

In sub-Saharan Africa, 1 out of every 8 children is an orphan. Of the 143 million orphans worldwide, more live in Ethiopia than any other country in the world. Just twice the size of Texas, it is home to five million orphaned children. While international adoption from Ethiopia has increased in recent years, at the current rate it would take 5 million families, $125 billion, and 2,500 years to solve the Ethiopian orphan crisis.

There is a also great book called "There is No Me Without You", that follows a woman who begins an orphanage simply because people keep dropping babies off at her doorstep. It follows the kids and their stories. It's beautiful and will make you cry. A lot.

Run for Gold!

Ok, folks. If you live in or around Houston, or just want to come to Houston and visit the beautiful flat lands, factories or oil companies, you need to come on March 19th.







FormulaRunEthiopia
a Run for Powdered Gold!
Saturday, March 19th
8:00 am
{beginning and ending} at Barbara Bush Elementary
7420 Crownridge Drive, The Woodlands, TX 77382







Race registration is $12 (THE COST OF 1 CAN OF FORMULA FOR THESE SWEET BABIES!)

Click Intothestreetsofethiopia.com to begin the registration or you may register the morning of the race from 7:00 a.m. to 7:45 a.m.





You may purchase a t-shirt for $30 online or at the race.







Children's 1 Mile Run will begin at 8:00 a.m.
All children under the age of 12 are welcome to participate.
***Prizes will be awarded to all participating boys and girls!***


This is a family race, so there will be none of this....ladies. I've been to enough weddings to know we have this in us.




FormulaRunEthiopia 5k (3.2 miles) will begin at 8:15 a.m.
All are invited to run or walk this race.
***Prizes will be awarded to the top 3 males and top 3 females.***

Please join us for awards, coffee, and a light breakfast following the race!

I say, throw caution to the wind, you did just knock out a 5K.




Please understand that all registrations are final.

All proceeds will go towards the cost of purchasing and shipping formula to their partnered YWAM Adoption Ministry orphanages in Ethiopia.

All the cool kids are coming. What an awesome way to come out and savethe life of a sweet child in Ethiopia. What an awesome way to teach your kids to give back. So, don't wait and think about it, just click and register. Done. See, that was easy.

I am here

No, I cannot sing.

No, it has no music.

But, I wanted to share the song I wrote with you. It's written from the perspective of me speaking to Makaria. And from Jesus speaking to His children.



As I wrote it, I was wanting to convey how I felt as we went through the process to get Makaria. Nightly, I would look at her picture and yearn for her to know that we were coming. I would face her picture that sat on my computer and tell her "Good night, baby, we are coming!" I cried myself to sleep more than once as I turned away from her and tried to find peace. Her picture (ie., the "frame") was the only thing I had that gave me hope that this process would ever turn into a daughter. During that process, I understood the longing Jesus has for His children. We wander and fetter along, having no idea that Jesus is caring for us. That He is waiting for the day when we call Him Father. He looks at our "frame" (Ps. 139) and lovingly counts the hairs on our heads. So, this little ditty is two-fold. It hopefully conveys my thoughts about wanting Makaria as my daughter and wanting to yell through the computer screen "I am coming. Just wait! I'm here!" It also shares how Jesus longs for His children's hearts. For their trust. He so desperately wants His children to understand that His hand is secure. That He is there and won't abandon them. I want Makaria to get that. Jesus wants us to get that.



I am here



I stare at your frame thinking of your future,
but wanting your today.
Believe in my presence, look for my grace.

There will be a time when close won't seem so far
When you will trust in my voice as the moon does the stars.

There will be a day when you will find no season to blame
'cause I have breathed life into your heart.
I have given you a new name.

I need you to know I am not leaving.
I need you to know I am here to stay.
Till dawn breaks new mercies
Till waking brings new days.
I am here.

I cover your future, grace covers today.
Grip onto my promise that redemption's been made.
Rest my child, you don't have to try
I carry your freedom, I've given you life

I am not leaving, you belong to me
in the dark of the night, hope as you dream.
For I am counting your days, measuring your time.
till I can clean off your hurts
and say "you are mine."

I need you to know I am not leaving.
I need you to know I am here to stay.
Till dawn breaks new mercies
Till waking brings new days.
I am here.

I wish I could restore days lost to wondering
if I existed, if anyone was coming.
But child, I am here now and tomorrow the same.
For when I look down, I see not an orphan
but a child wearing my name.


I need you to know I am not leaving.
I need you to know I am here to stay.
Till dawn breaks new mercies
Till waking brings new days.
I am here.

Nov. 7th Orphan Sunday

Tune in Friday night for a time of worship and teaching about orphans and the Church. This Sunday is Orphan Sunday. I hope and pray that we won't let this Sunday slide by without thinking how we as believers can be a catalyst for change in the orphan crisis.

Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

I like my hair!

This is especially good for those of us white moms who have struggled and wrestled doing our black children's hair. I love it!

Questions to Ask When Considering Adoption

(from Adoptive Dads)

1. What are my biggest fears regarding adoption?
2. Do/will my close family and friends support my decision to adopt? If not, why?
3. How do I define the concept of family? In other words, what is a family?
4. What personal experience(s) do I have regarding adoption – whether positive or negative?
5. Does adoption seem “normal” to me?
6. If married, does my spouse have the same ideas about adoption?
7. What have I done thus far to educate myself about adoption?
8. What, if anything, do I feel that I would lose or be “giving up” if I choose to adopt?
9. Why do/would I want to adopt?
10. How do I feel about birthparents (i.e., the biological parents of children who are adopted)?

My Ethiopian Genes

I wanted to document this in the eternal archive of the blogsphere. And, my husband thinks it's funny, so I will share...


Over the course of our adoption journey, I (Carrie) have had two separate people, separated by a few months, tell me that I look Ethiopian. I, of course, was not at all surprised. I've always had this seed of doubt that I am a whitey through and through. You see the woman holding the little girl in these pictures above? I think that is what I would look like if I actually were Ethiopian. A little game we like to play is to find the Chinese equivalent of people who are not Chinese. I found myself doing it in Ethiopia too. It's weird when you find someone that looks like you though.

Hubs mocks me at how proud I am that those two people mentioned my Ethiopianess. I think he's just jealous.

Old Person's Olympics

Makaria and I are in Guangzhou, taking care of her visa stuff. I'll try and keep this positive and light, which is a contrast to the experience we have had working with US gov't offices. The cool thing about this city is that it's a main portal for Americans picking up their babies from China to bring home through adoption. I've gotten to meet some wonderful families and hear some incredible testimonies. Another fun thing about this city is that there is color here. As in lots of different nationalities. It's like a buffet of color. I love it. I spent some time looking through gorgeous African cloth this afternoon and dreamed of all the things I could make with them.

This morning, we had a little time on our hands, so we gallivanted off to a park. This is pretty much what Makaria looked like for a decent portion of our stroll. She laughed and said hi and shook hands and lifted up her shirt for all to see.



This is the first time I've gotten to do bubbles with her. I love 'first time' things with your kids. What a blessing.



Then we got to eat Turkish food. I love Turkish food. I do not love the hair on the arms of Turkish men.




I will tell you, that if there was such thing as an Old Person's Olympics, China would take the entire Western hemisphere to school. One of the things I love about China is watching the older people do their hobbies. They are always outside doing something. Playing cards, carrying around their grand kids, beating their legs on a tree, kicking around a hacky sack, walking backwards, hitting a badminton birdie, the list could go on and on. I've finally decided to capture some of it in pictures.





In this picture alone, there's a squatting man, a woman dancing with a plastic ring, a woman using the bridge to stretch, and a woman doing Tai Chi.




This is not your family reunion type of badminton. These people sweat playing it.



Now, this man with the jacket. He was initially walking around in circles clapping. He then realized that Makaria was sleeping and so decided for a quieter form of exercise. (This might have been a decision hastened by the fact that I shot him an evil eye.) So he removed his jacket. And started running in circles. And then twirling the jacket around like Julie Andrews.




This is one of my favorite exercises to watch. They all have a small racket with a ball on top. Then, there is music that is played and a routine that is danced. They twirl around, moving the racquets in a very fluid motion so that the ball doesn't fall. It's really amazing to watch. They put it behind their backs and through their legs and spin around. Amazing. And Makaria thought so too.

Haiti and adoption and my weird dream

Everything that has happened in Haiti has raised emotions of every type. Anger, sadness, fear, shock. I've honestly not wanted to blog about the earthquake. I'm not sure why. Sometimes I feel like things are best left unspoken. There's just too much to process in an event like this.

There are tons of charities to give to. But I know that Compassion International has been in Haiti for a long time, ministering to families and orphans. They have embedded themselves in the community and have been a respected Christian organization for some time. But it really seems as if people are informed on where to send their money now.

It's been interesting for me, because the thing that has hit me most in all of this is the orphan crisis. Haiti already has a large percentage (I've read over a million orphans existed in Haiti....before the earthquake) of orphans. After this earthquake, not only will the number of orphans increase, but children already promised to adoptive families have died. As we were going through our adoption process, the second we got a referral picture of Makaria, our family changed. Once you have a picture of your child in your minds, you start to envision their personalities, dream about what will make them laugh, quiz your other children on what it will be like once she gets home. This dream has been shattered for so many parents.

I realize that this is a weird take on the whole thing. My heart aches deeply for all the communities that have been destroyed. But I've also found my heart aching deeply for the orphans and their soon to be families. We read a story of a family that received a new picture of their son and their orphanage that is now based out on a street. I cannot imagine the sadness this would bring for a family.

I had a dream last night where Matt Chandler (I know, that's rather random) and some friends asked me about our adoption journey. As I started to explain, I sobbed uncontrollably, out of joy. The joy in the adoption process, the rejoicing over our email inbox that showed us our new daughter, the worshipping that happened when we held her for the first time. It is overwhelming even now. Anyway, I woke up the next morning and my eyes were puffy and watery. I had actually cried in my sleep. I was overwhelmed in my dreams and my reality.

All of this rambling is to say that if you are contemplating adoption, I want to encourage you to take the plunge. Trust God with the details. Kids, like these in Haiti, aren't getting any younger. The window is small to be able to adopt. Meaning, that these kids will grow up. Make that phone call to agencies today. Do the research today. Pray today.

Children are waiting....and so is insurmountable joy for you and your family.