Monday, September 12, 2011

Parenthood ain't no glue

I read this article a few days ago.  Here's the premise:  

"Rabbi Arele Harel offers an unconventional solution for Orthodox Jewish gay men who want to raise a conventional family: He fixes them up with Orthodox lesbians."

I'm not going to jump into the deep end of the theological pool and discuss homosexuality and Orthodoxy.  Ya, I know you were hoping for a little mid-rash on the subject, but you're not gonna get it here.  

He goes on to say:

"Harel contends that gay and lesbian partners learn to love each other once children arrive. 'Their love is based on parenthood. Parenthood is the glue and it's strong.' "

I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud and choked on my tongue when I read this sentence above.  They learn to love each other AFTER the children arrive comment.  Right....I'm sure it's the delirium of being up until 3 am with a colicky baby and the nursing mishaps that end up with milk being sprayed across the table, hitting your partner in the temple that makes for a wonderful get to know you session.  No, it must be the diaper blow outs that happen in the cereal isle or the cheerios stuck to your forehead while you walk into the bank.  Ahh yes, that must be it.  

I LOVE being a parent, but I'm not sure that pushing things out of my baby's constipated stomach with my spouse is going to make me fall deeply in love with him. And at least in a more traditional marriage, where say you actually like each other before the kids come, there was a bond and attraction that you could hold tight to when parenting becomes hard.  In this little set up arranged by the rabbi, I'm not sure the initial attraction is even there to begin with.

 Parenthood is only glue if you have established the connection before the kids arrive.  Otherwise, parenthood will merely be a fragile sealing of two broken people .  

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