I am sitting in a quiet house, eating leftover spaghetti with some added spicy pepper sauce and a cold coke zero. My angel and wonderful friend, DY, took the kids for a sleepover. All of them. At the same time.
I'm actually not sure what I'm going to write at the moment. This is Carrie, by the way. My wonderfully disciplined husband would never start a blog with no idea of how it's going to end. But that's just who I am. With most things, I start them enthusiastically and hope that in the process nobody gets maimed or looses a limb.
Here's the deal: I am not at all like Jesus.
Do I want to be...yes, desperately. Am I even close...no. This is not a pity blog, but more of a stream of consciousness. For instance, I just dropped a chopstick on the floor and left it there. I looked for it for a brief second, couldn't find it immediately and then took a small lick of the sauce from off the floor. Jesus would not have done that. He would have persevered and found the chopstick. I'm not sure about licking sauce from off the floor. It's a great sauce so I'm pretty sure he might have licked.
I have realized of late that I can't love people well who are different that me. And honestly, I get annoyed by too many people. Food smackers, line cutters, spitters, abc applique jump suit wearing elementary school teachers, christian singers who don't sing about God...ever, cute camp girls, people who say 'just' 83 times while they are praying, and the list goes on really. That's ridiculous. Jesus wouldn't do that either.
I still want to look cute and sassy. I feel like I shouldn't still breakout on my 33 year old face, but I do. And it bothers me. I want to get cute haircuts that sashay in the breeze, wear cute scarves that match the changing leaves of fall, to wear cute winter boots with those little tassle thingies. I shouldn't care. But I do. Jesus wouldn't do that. Stick with the white robe and the birks. It works for Jesus. He's never consummed with fitting in. Yet, so often my mind calculates what to say, how to dress, when to laugh, what to read...all based on what the world tells me I should do in order to have people flock to my side. It's goofy.
I could blog about these shortcomings forever. My life is covered in failings. But it is also spotted in Grace. Praise the Lord for Jesus and His example. And that God gave us the cross and the Holy Spirit so that we have the ability to change our affections. You can't muster up affections. They are gifted to us. And I pray on a daily basis that my affections would be for Christ and his character.
I'm not even sure how to label this post. To put it under 'theological reflections,' seems to cheapen the other entries in that section. But here goes.