Thursday, January 03, 2013

Book Number 2-A Sequel in Anxiety

You remember playing dodge ball in fourth grade? That time when you were made the king of the court and on the next play the ball bounces precariously close to your line. Pretty sure it hit the line, but you so desperately want to remain king that you convince yourself that it didn't hit the line. Confusion leads you to yell out, "DO OVER!" The unwritten rulebook of playground etiquette is that never play 'butts up' unless you are sure you can win; if you wear shorts under your dress, you can swing on the monkey bars; and that a DO OVER is a totally valid self-call.

A group of local friends took all 5 of our children to the park to climb a mountain. While they were pretending to be gallop through the hillside like the Von Trapp family, Chinese style...with white and black children...ok, nevermind. Well, while they were out hubs and I were doing this:

We were pretending to be adults who talk about things like world economics. In actuality, we are just people getting old who talked about how great it would be to head home and take a power nap. I like the word 'power nap.' It makes even taking a nap feel sophisticated and consequential. 

It was during this little outing that I decided I was going to commit to writing book #2. It was upon those very words tripping out of my mouth that I decided I wanted a DO OVER. I want to pretend I didn't say it. I want to ignore the fact that my mouth opened and a commitment rolled out. To dream about writing again is one thing. To look the one person in the eye who will keep me accountable to actually finishing this task is quite another. 

This book is going to take a little longer. Life doesn't look the same as it did last year when I wrote, "Redefining Home." I'm going to take it one step at a time. Writing is cathartic for me. Writing is where I see the Lord scribbling things for my brain to take in. I need writing. We have a wonderfully lopsided relationship that way. Writing doesn't necessarily need me, but I need writing. 

By the way, I'm about to do a big fat sale on my fist book because it's been almost a year since its release. Mind boggling. I'll post more on that this month. For now I'm trying to push down the doubt, fear, and insecurities that are attempting to scream out, "DO OVER!"

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