Yesterday, Selah stood in front of the American flag on our little White House and sang the Chinese national anthem. I thought it was a good summation of what she sees her identity as being. A majority of their friends are Chinese. They fully understand what kind of behavior will cause them to gain or loose face here. Charis was 1 when we left, so she's clueless. Malachi remember almost nothing about America. We will also visit the States with two more children than when we left-just 3 years ago.
There are things we're excited about, namely: fajitas, swimming, friends, family, grass, batteries that work, drive-thrus, libraries, Chic-Fil-A, and driving. But, there is a large part of me that is really nervous.
I'm nervous that I won't have a clue what people are talking about.
I'm nervous that I won't be funny and will instead elicit blank stares and inner monologue mocking from others.
I'm nervous about going to church.
I'm nervous that my brain will forget every Chinese word I've ever learned.
I'm nervous that we will not have a place in our friend's lives.
I'm nervous that our kids will feel like outcasts.
I'm nervous that the comforts of America will make me lazy in my pursuit of Jesus.
I'm nervous that I will gain 83 pounds consuming cheese.
I'm nervous that I won't be able to hear God clearly.
All of these things are founded in my lack of trust in the Lord's provisions.
Our good friend, DY, is also coming to visit us for about half of the time. Having her there with us is going to give us a good bridge between East and West. And I'll get to teach her and my 4 year old how to swim : ).
I'm sure I will have more musings as the month progresses.