Friday, June 05, 2009

My Pride of Self-Pity

"The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be needy.  But the need arises from a wounded ego and the desire of the self-pitying is not really for others to see them as helpless, but heroes.  The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness.  It is the response of unapplauded pride."

(Piper's "Faith in Future Grace")

To say the Lord hit me upside the head with this truth this morning is an understatement.  As a mother of 4, almost 5, this is something hidden in my heart that had yet to be exposed. 

 I want people to be awed at what I accomplish in a day. 

 I want people to feel sorry for me that I am always thinking of others and not myself. 

I want them to applaude my sacrifice to my family.  

I want them to see how tired I can get.  

I want my husband to validate my valiant efforts.

There is no humility in this.  And it's really a cry out for applause.  So when I don't receive these types of praise, I get dejected and angry.  My pride wants others to notice.  Because "I deserve admiration because I sacrifice so much."

People could say that if anyone deserved to feel some self-pity, it was Jesus.  But there was none to be found.  He knew that his identity and satisfaction was in the Lord.  When our 'self' is in Christ alone, there is no need for the praise of others.  I was disgusted at this sin in me this morning.  But so grateful that the Lord exposed it in me.  I am committed to offering up my sin of self-pity and serving with unconditional joy.  
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