Tuesday, August 27, 2013

To My Daughters: Insecurity is a Horrible Dance Partner

To My Daughters, 

It's ok to be afraid of the dark. You see, when I walk into a bathroom, my heart still pounds until my fingers inch their way to the light switch. There is unknown settled in the dark. When we can't see in front of us, we question even the things that we do confidently, like walking. Insecurity crouches in darkness. It enjoys the company of anonymity. The minute you pin down an Insecurity, you are equipped with the power to defeat it. Left alone, Insecurity can make a comfortable nest in the dark. And if left there long enough, its second home will be in the silent corners of your thought life.

They whisper. They mock. They sit sullenly in the corners, like at a junior high dance. They sit until you look their way and invite one of them to dance. At first you will feel as if he is following your lead. But before long, the music turns. You begin looking around you, wondering how many eyes are bearing into your soul. You start to question your ability to dance. As the music fades, you realize that you are no longer leading; you are following an uncomfortable flurry of footsteps that Insecurity seems to have memorized from frequent use.

He twirls you passed friends to showcase how effortlessly your life is being led by him. You waltz passed your parents who are thought you looked happy, like you were dancing with that man, Popularity. Your church friends don't recognize you with Insecurity with you, so they call him Humility.

You dance.  For hours you spin and circle the floor with ease. Insecurity can be a good dance partner. As a matter of fact, Insecurity is a popular dance partner. When he faces the crowd as Self-Deprecation, he's met with laughter. When he turns towards the church he can be labeled as A Good Team Player. Turning towards a spouse, he responds to the name, Indifference. But regardless of people's nicknames for him, he was birthed as Insecurity.

Eventually your legs get tired and your eyes dizzied from the blurred world of spinning. You've been turning for so long, desperately looking for a centering point. But Insecurity doesn't stop long enough for you to grasp your bearings. He knows that all he has to do is keep you in the dance.

It's up to you to stop. To bow out of this dance, turn off the music, and go home. Turn off the lights, throw away your dance shoes, and lock the doors. Leave no remnant of this dance because the second you turn around wondering what he is doing, he is right there ready to partner again. Walk away and don't look back.

There are better dances to abandon yourself to.

Pick music that will set your soul. 

Chose Freedom and Restoration. They make better dance partners in the long run. They aren't out to confuse your thinking or make you crave validation. They are out to secure you in grace; to remind you that they chose you, not the other way around. You will certainly find affection from the wrong partners at some point in this dance, but that doesn't mean you have to collapse your life into him. I hope that there is something in the music that your father and I have played that reminds your ears that there is something more real to be had. Find that music, trust that partner, and dance.
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