Saturday, June 05, 2010

Public Service Announcement: What NOT to say to Moms

There are a few things that I'm going to share with you that will save you a lot of heart ache. If you are a friend or family member of a mom that has lots of small kids at home, I have a brief list of things NOT to do.

1. Do not plan a girl's night, retreat, double date, long lunch without kids and then cancel the plans last minute. Why? Because chances are, that mom has been looking forward to that time all week. And an even better chance that it's that very event that has kept her from going postal on several occasions. The mother will be gracious about you canceling, but then will retreat to the bathroom and cry for 5 minutes. Then, she will blame her contacts when her kids ask her what is wrong.

2. Do not ask her why her kids are not walking, talking, rolling over, potty trained, or sleeping in their own beds yet. This will cause a snowball of thoughts that will end in all of her kids being homeless or in jail.

3. Do not ask her to make a dessert last minute for a function that she is attending outside her own home. She will say yes, of course. Because saying no would imply that she does not have everything together and she is afraid she will be de-frocked from the Super Mom club. And that mom will feel guilty if she uses a five minute boxed dessert because others will know. They just will. So, she will go to the store, because it's always one ingredient that is missing. The domino effects of this dessert request will send her into panic mode...quickly.

4. Do not complain about how tired and busy you are because you have to go to the gym and then meet at starbucks today. That will cause her to sin.

5. Do not talk about how you never see the sun rise because you get up after 8 every morning. And how on the weekends you sleep in until 10 and then eat a late breakfast just in time for kick-off at 11. She will be tempted to start "accidently" calling you at 4:30 from her husband's phone (so you don't recognize the number, of course) and then hang up quickly. Then she will fall peacefully back to sleep feeling oh so pleased with herself.

These things above will send your friend into Mommy Depression. You don't want Mommy Depression. It's not pretty.

This has been a Public Service Announcement from me.

You're welcome.
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