What's in the Storm?

In Matthew 8, we see a roll call of miracles that Jesus performs. One after another, Jesus reaches into the physical life and turns the tables. He removes the leprous reputation of a man, strengthens the legs of a servant, cools the fever of a mother. The list goes on and on and if you read it in succession, it plays out almost as a task list for the day. A simple day in the life of Jesus.

And then I get to Jesus calming the storm. Cue thunderous rainstorm, rickety fishing boat and 12 panicky disciples.  Out of their desperation, they spoke out what was churning in their hearts: fear. 

As Jesus slept peacefully in the bow, the storm was enveloping both the waters and the hearts of His followers. We see them screaming at Jesus, "Save us, we are perishing!"

He wakes up and peers into their souls, "Why are you afraid? O you of little faith?" I imagine him speaking softly, with His words resounding loudly among the waves, "Be still." 

I got to thinking about Jesus' rebuke to the disciples. And then I was brought back to so many other instances of Jesus commending people when they say, "Save me! Lord, show me mercy!" Why was this situation different? Why did Jesus not commend their desire for the Lord's rescuing? It was at this point that my heart was both convicted and sorrowful as I realized that the disciples asked out of fear and not repentance. There was no faith present for the Lord to commend. Only 12 men wrapped up in fear for their lives. 

Where is my desperation rooted, fear or repentance? When I call out to the Lord, what am I truly wanting from the Lord? Is it just a removal of my present circumstance or a changing of my heart?